My favorite part of 2020 was all the extra time with family. Changing schedules at work and a closed office for a while gave me a chance to be more involved in reading with them, watching them learn and do school with Stacy Fowler, reworking our date night routine for better interactions with Stacy, and having the kids work alongside me on some projects for home. With every year they get more capable, and it’s fun to anticipate what 2021 holds!

I also loved the way the kids were able to engage in activities this year:

Eli started soccer and had a great season with a team of kids he really enjoyed playing with. I think his coach, Danie, did a great job of encouraging them, and they learned the way you can accomplish things with hard work personally and with good coordination as a team. 

Lizzy participated in gymnastics and really found a sense of accomplishment learning in a realm that was entirely hers, without competing with her older brother, and under the coaching of someone other than her parents. 

Due to ear infections for all 3 kids, a fractured leg (Lizzy), an ear injury, and some non-Covid sickness, we took six trips to the Urgent Care/ER this year…that’s on the top of my list of things I hope we don’t repeat, but I do expect it to become somewhat normal as the kids continue to age, and become more and more ambitious with their adventures. 

I got serious about learning some of the tricks of the trade in stocks this year, investing a small amount in the market after some extensive reading, so that I can work harder to ensure our investments really get the long term gains that we want over the next few years. Jim Cramer and the Motley Fool have been unique resources for my education this year. 

I’ve been out of touch with everything going on in politics for several years, but with a need to better navigate Covid, racism protests, and the election, I’ve been reading, listening, and surfing the news a lot this year. While the Democratic viewpoints have been easy to find, getting a conservative opinion has really helped me gather perspective. I really enjoy the coverage of the Daily Wire, Ben Shapiro’s podcast, and the book, Blackout by Candance Owens. I wish Glen Beck would make his networks’ coverage partially free, because he always seems to be the most detailed and data driven. I really wish the major networks would be more fair in their coverage, but the amount of stuff they omit, the lack of good data in their articles, and the disrespect for leaders has left me very disappointed in them. 

Family Matters has been a great addition to our kids’ TV lineup this year, along with Superbook, Sid the Science Kid, Wallykazam, and Tumble Leaf. It’s really amazing how well it has illustrated some key teaching points for their behavior this year. I wish more shows today would embrace such a short format and regularly teach issues. In terms of movies, they absolutely fell in love with Mulan (the animated movie), Trolls World Tour, and the Land before Time movies–I’m still waiting for them to embrace watching the Muppets and Shrek. 

Eli began to grasp football this year, and despite our omission of NFL (because of it’s over the top political stance) it’s been quite entertaining to see him follow the games with a passion, and jump up during each commercial break to act out fictional team plays with equal vigor. This kid can truly talk for hours on end!

Eli and I also branched out from science and nature programming, like Fierce and Planet Earth, to watching history. Our favorite show of the year is America, the Story of Us. 

Stacy drug me into a new TV routine as well–but an active one. She found several 15 and 30 day Yoga programs on Amazon prime with Julia Marie, and we’ve been doing them nightly after the kids go to bed. Paired with the twice a week, 20 minute, intense workout that Pastor Craig recommended earlier this year, I would say that I’m in better shape and closer to a six pack than I’ve ever been in my life! 

Most of our TV programming comes from Amazon Prime, and despite the number of shows I’ve mentioned, we really watch very little TV–one or two programs for kids a day (20 minutes long) and 1 yoga video is about all that we have time for. Stacy and I only have one miniseries we like. We’ve appreciated how simple and free from drama or sexuality the Mandalorian has been.

I do love movies, and I have missed seeing shows at the theater this year! 

The one thing we expected to do, but didn’t get into, is buying or building a house. We have rented for the three years we have been in Tulsa, and while we have a great home, we hope one day to have a space of our own to customize. I would also love space to park our vehicles inside. I’ve waited to purchase a nicer family vehicle the past year or so, because I don’t want to invest in one if it’s subjected to the weather all the time. Alas, real estate, including land, is crazy expensive, and great homes that meet our criteria have been in short supply or too expensive. So despite our desire to have our dream home, we are content to save money and enjoy the great relationships we have with our neighbors and family. 

Finally, the greatest blessing of our year in 2020 has been the people. 

One reason why Stacy and I are so picky when it comes to buying a home, is because we want to stay close to family and friends. This year we grew tomatoes, cucumbers, blackberries, cherries, strawberries, cantaloupe, watermelons, squash, peppers, and weeds…but we could not have done that without the teamwork we have with Stacy’s parents and the Knutsons. That’s on top of great time together working on projects and sharing the burden of keeping 40 acres in manageable shape. Maintaining chickens, catching critters, and even re-homing a dog who got dropped off nearby. 

Stacy and I are blessed with great people next door, and great people at church. I have a close-knit, hard-working, caring team of pastors to work alongside, making ministry at Life.Church possible. They make every day fun, and make the ministry we get to do in our community amazing! Stacy has been blessed to serve on a great ministry team too this year, helping BSF transition from in person meetings to online for 2020. Her Bible study has deepened our kids love of Scripture beyond what they learn on the weekend and allowed us to form some great friendships too. 

Random thoughts: 

This year I bought and repaired a tractor, to ensure I was able to get a great cut on the grass.

We trapped a record # of skunks in our area this year–one of which got loose and nearly sprayed both me and Eli. 

Eli and I enjoyed several boat rides on our pond this year, and I hope to find a non-inflatable alternative for the pond in 2021. 

Abby’s ambition to talk has added another chatterbox to the family this fall, which is challenging, since we often can’t understand her very well. 

Loosing Charlie Daniels this year was quite sad. I really respected and will miss his legacy. 

Like many of us in the room, I spent the better part of thirty years seeing Grandma at every holiday we can spare. Learning card games and the art of the crossword puzzle. Eagerly anticipating the annual Eicher Christmas party, where everyone gathered for a great time. And after taking time to read memories written by all her children, I want to spend a few minutes remembering her with you today.

Let’s start with prayer…Pray with me, won’t you?
Father
Thank you for the gift you gave us in Helen Eicher
Help us to grieve her absence with us, to celebrate her life, and to emulate her example.
Send your comfort upon each person here today.
As we remember her as a wife, mother, grandmother, friend and Jesus-follower.
In Jesus name, Amen.

Grandma’s absence with us is all magnified by the fact that she was gifted as someone who loved everyone well—so well that she always had people gathered at her home. In fact, being here together is a good reminder of all the gatherings that took place because of how people loved her company. It’s as if all the wonderful parties she hosted at her home have been joined together to celebrate her! If we only had a deck of cards, a pack of White Castles, and the famed Eicher potato dish, this party would be truly complete! (jk)

Grandma truly did know how to love people well. (pause)
She was a great host—planning parties in a way that covered all the details, but left plenty of room for fun and conversation.
She was an expert card player—spoons, hand and foot, or rummy. You had to put your game face on if you were playing with her.
She was a great gift giver—she had a talent for remembering the things that meant the most to each person, and showing them love in the most meaningful way.
She always carried a joyful spirit around with her, and her laugh could light up a room. Her laugh was unforgettable.
And her words were always powerfully spoken. She was a great encourager and she had a tact in her approach to hard conversations that always showed he loved the person, even if she hated their behavior.

Grandma’s love and joy came from her unshakable faith.
Those that knew her well, knew that she read her Bible daily and knew that book better than anything else on this earth. And her diligence to consistently worship and learn every week at church rooted that love even deeper in her life.

A faith that created a safe, strong household that her children grew up in, and loved returning to long after launching into their own adult lives and a home that supported her husband as he built a business from the garage to the manufacturing floor.
A faith that gave her strength and peace that I cannot quite grasp to care for Kelly, her youngest, disabled daughter and to endure her untimely passing.
A faith that kept her attitude kind and joyful even when her mind could not remember the past, even when her body had to endure painful treatment over the course of twelve years.
A faith that even got her arrested and jailed once, for protesting to protect the lives of the unborn.

Grandma’s faith filled her with love, and compelled her to love people really well: as a wife, a mother, a grandmother, and a friend.
It’s because of her love that she touched so many people—you and me included. It’s because of that love that we grieve her. We don’t want to be without her company, we long for her words of encouragement, and we feel her absence.

As I close my time of sharing, I hope the things I have shared have brought back your own memories with her, and that you will take time later to share those with each other, as well as to write them down.

But in the midst of your grief, let me remind you that Helen is forever free from sadness and sickness. Because the faith she had in Jesus Christ, when her eyes closed in this life, they opened in the presence of her Savior. Jesus has not only welcomed her into heaven, and given her a body and a mind that is strong, whole, and free from pain or disease.

And I say all of that, so that I can say this. Helen was a gift to us—and we should be sad that she’s gone. At the same time, Helen is now whole and in heaven and those of us who share that faith with her to look forward to a joyful reunion with her one day. And if there’s a kitchen or shopping mall in heaven, I have a feeling she’ll have a gift, a cake, and a deck of cards awaiting our arrival. The final pages of the Bible promise us that because of our faith, we will see:

Revelation 21:3-4
Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth…(where) ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

Growing up as a kid, I remember countless times I woke on Saturday to my dad playing Charlie Daniels songs on his acoustic guitar, and anytime I go out to the garage to work I’m reminded of the hundreds of hours we spent working on projects together with CDB blaring in the background. Christmas drives to visit family almost always featured Charlie’s Christmas album…and it’s never Christmas season in my world until I’ve played that album myself.

When I struck out on my own in college, 9 hours from college, and my sense of country, loyalty, and belief were being solidified in the wake of 9-11, Charlie Daniels would regularly post on a blog his “soap box” comments regarding faith and culture, always with an eloquence, clarity, and brevity that was hard to match. (He posted his last thoughts publicly for independence day https://www.charliedaniels.com/soap-box) His song, The Last Fallen Hero, stands as emotional reminder of the time we lived in and the feelings I felt.

Charlie Daniels has written crude, controversial, and crazy songs, he’s by no means a neutral figure. But for all the criticism you can throw at songs, he’s been a man who’s lived a remarkably good life example. He’s been a faithfully committed husband to one wife. He’s not poured his money into lavish mansions or possessions. He’s never been in the headlines for an arrest or addiction to my knowledge. He’s politely and calmly represented his opinions. He’s remained an entertainer to the end, one who truly loved the concert and songwriting and stuck to it. The few times I met Charlie Daniels, backstage at one of his small concert venues, he was always relatable and sincere.

I am obviously biased in my views on Charlie, because I grew up in close proximity to the man and his music. That’s because he was my father’s hero. He’s the songwriter my dad often aspires to be when he puts pen to paper. He had a gift for writing songs that bring our minds to our best selves. He’s a good man, balancing a country heart, a Christian attitude, and a desire to make a difference in this world. And he was a good man to the end. Ever open, honest, and relatable. We need more men like him.

If you are reading this, my hope is that you aspire to be a lifelong example for others as well: of faith, of faithfulness, patriotism, gratitude, and resilience.

Stacy recently finished a book, and we picked up the movie to see how it compared. I was intrigued because it starred Woody Harrison, whose acting I’ve liked recently, and Brie Larson. And I’ll admit that the acting is good…but the movie is terrible!

The judgment the movie leads you to, is that parents who could not make decisions to care for their kids properly and who failed to ever trust society, or give back to others are still ok people because they showed love sometimes. Woody Harrison plays a dad who runs away from his obligations whenever life hands him a bill he can’t pay, and who spends so much of his time drunk that he nearly starves his four kids. His wife is equally as irresponsible, choosing a life of painting art to doing any work, parenting, or holding her husband responsible to care for the family.

The dad is a brilliant man with tons of knowledge and charm, but no discipline or responsibility. He can dress up any moment with some special words, a heartfelt plea, or a meaningful request…he’s a manipulator and a con artist to his own kids. He raves throughout the kids childhood about a glass castle they can build: a grand home that he has all drawn out on paper, because that’s all the home he’s ever able to afford for them. They live out most of their childhood in a shack without running water, electricity, or heat. They go days without eating. In the end, it’s all words and special moments. There’s no substance. It’s actually a failure of the system and of people not to have seen the plight of the children in the family and have had them removed and placed with a loving family throughout the film. It’s also the parents ridiculous, proud attitude that fails them, keeping them from ever receiving the benefits that were freely available to help through the blanket of social services our society has available.

As they grow up, the kids eventually reach the conclusion that they have to save the money to get away and build their own life. Their experiences have forced them to learn discipline and hard work, so they thrive when they are finally free of their parents…after they manage to get free. The worst moment of the movie for me comes when their father discovers a secret stash of their cash and empties it. It’s a wonder violence never won the day…I felt the need to lay hands on the dad throughout the film.

Most of the time I would argue that gratitude, forgiveness, and preserving relationships is a good thing, but in this example case, I believe that it was the wrong choice at every turn. It was the lack of hard consequences that kept the parents from ever making substantial, healthy changes to their lives.

I also believe that the movie could have praised the resilience of the kids and sent a great message. Instead it ended with the family together, telling stories of their dad and laughing together. It communicated that we should value him, but I can do no such thing. He couldn’t care for his kids at the most basic levels. He constantly build up their expectations and then dashed their hopes. He made them parent him. He put them in dangerous situations for his own benefit and justified it with, “I knew you could handle it yourself.” And he taught them that society was not to be trusted, when truly, he was the one who could not be trusted…he was simply keeping them from telling on him to the world.

I love my role as a father. I cherish the special moments I get to create…but I also work every day to provide for my kids, to guide their growth and health, and to own up to my shortfalls. I want my kids to trust to society, and to contribute to it: hopefully always adding to it and never having to lean on it too heavily. I don’t want them to keep secrets, but to be proud of who their family is. And I will allow them to take risks, but I won’t put them in danger for my own personal gain.

And I would hope that if mental illness, addiction, circumstances, or my own lack of work kept me from truly caring for my family, that my wife, my extended family, and society would distance me from them to keep them safe and allow them to grow as they should. I would hope that intervention would shock any parent into making appropriate changes so that they can fulfill their responsibility and enjoy the blessing of their family. Though I think everything should be done to restore and preserve the nuclear family, because it’s best for our children, I also believe that too many kids are left in situations they should be rescued from.

The Movie: The Glass Castle

Years ago I watched an action-comedy movie : The Mummy 3: the Tomb of the Dragon Emperor. I loved the special effects and the scale of the adventure, but at the time, I thought all of it was simply embellishment.

Now as I work with my son through ancient history, we’ve been investigating the life of China’s first emperor, and I’m amazed to discover that the movie did not do the scale of the emperor’s creation justice!

He built a tomb complex larger and more intricate than the pyramids, surrounded it with miles of pits filled with 8,000 life-size Terracotta soldiers, commissioned the great wall to be built for hundreds of miles–all after he had build superior weapons for his army and waged war to conquer and unify the different regions of China.