The centurion made Jesus astonished at his faith. Then Jesus went on a healing spree that left the people in awe, and finally, he blew the disciples away when he calmed the storm.

God wants my faith to believe with utter assurance that He can do those things–for me and for others. He doesn’t want me to worry, but to trust in His protection and enablement to do the ministry He has given me to do.

My default attitude is to worry, but a great leader I knew once said, “you are indestructible until you do the task God has set for you to do.”

I am going to choose to believe that God won’t make life easy, but that He won’t allow people to harm me or  my ministry because it is ultimately His ministry and I am His servant.

I’m tired and emotional. I’m a day behind on reading, and I’ve had to write this post twice…it didn’t save the first time.  Sleep is a necessary part of keeping in line with God at times. And I am grieving for a lost family member. Circumstances are clouding my mind, and it’s hard to know what God is trying to say or to learn something from the Scripture that I don’t need to hear right now.

But I won’t stop. I need to press on. There will be a day when the time with God is great. right now, it’s important to try hard, and be satisfied that I am maintaining the habit.

Worry…fear…anxiety – they can tear us apart. We can perform: fast for everyone to see–because we can’t trust that God sees us and is pleased when we keep it a secret between the two of us. Worry can motivate you to store up treasures on earth, so that you never have to worry about going hungry or wanting anything.

Only rarely does worry draw us back to God, cause us to ask forgiveness for things we really have done and need to be sorry for, and drive us to change our lives to get them back into sync with Him.

Is worry prompting me to get back in sync or get out of it?

My best way to beat worry–doing this right here. Spending time with God and reflecting on His Word.

This weekend has been about the question, why am I doing this? I definitely began following Christ for selfish reasons, but as I grow as a Christian I should become more and more selfless. And that test is never more real than when Jesus tells us to love our enemies. That’s not easy or fun…it’s hard.

I’ve been reading about David recently for a sermon–David was really good at loving his enemy. He refused to take his anger and aggression out on Saul, even when Saul repeatedly tried to kill him. He faced death at every turn in the process too. I am just not sure I could do what he did.

I also find myself wanting to become more selfish at times–to be recognized and praised for my faith, like the Pharisees Jesus is pointing out in this passage. I want some status for the person I have become, but I am reminded that the moment I return to doing good things for pride and public recognition, the benefits are gone.

Who am I doing this for? Why am I doing it? For God, and for me. I love Him and want to become the guy He called me to be. I also believe the way to true happiness is in following Him, and I want to be happy. If loving my enemy is the path to both, then let the hard work begin.

Jesus sets up a powerful talk by discussing how He wishes to uphold everything in the Law and how we must strive for greater morality than the most religious people of his day. Them He specifically addresses divorce, anger, sexual sin…and keeping your promises.

That last one is a bit of an outlier. The other offenses seem like big ones compared to failing to keep a promise, but Jesus used it as an example anyway. I think it is because behind every struggle and conflict we have is the ability to trust. Trust matters a whole lot more than we give it credit for, and the little things contribute as much to trust in another person as the big things. We desperately need to learn to keep our commitments…or not to make a commitment if we don’t intend to follow through.

I am going to watch my commitments more closely and ensure that I am not losing trust by not following through on key aspects of my role as a pastor and friend.