“God, did you REALLY send your Son as a baby?”

I always thought that was cute and fun–but now that I have a baby, I keep thinking, “really?” This person is totally helpless, totally dependent, weak, demanding, scared, cold, and unable to do anything but cry, sleep, eat and poop. The Son of God spent His time in this condition? He nursed at Mary’s breasts? Mary and Joseph wiped His butt? He came through the birth canal bruised and bloody and crying? He kept them awake at night?

AND – this was your design for humanity? To start as a seed that would need to be planted, nurtured, and monitored for years in order to reach it’s potential? Wow. You really did design us to be servants–to take joy in training, nurturing and growing others. I’ve always thought of us as conquerors, achievers, and managers. I’m sorry. I really need to lean more deeply into the design you have for us. I promise to learn how I am built to be a father. And I’ll never doubt Your humility again. You are willing to do whatever it takes to regain our love. I’m so grateful that You loved us that much. That You CHOSE to take on the flesh of humanity–the fragility and limitations of a baby–to save us.

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death–even death on a cross!
~ Philippians 2:5-8

The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.
~ John 1:14

Since the children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity so that by his death he might destroy him who holds the power of death–that is, the devil–and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death.
~ Hebrews 2:14-15

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are–yet was without sin.
~ Hebrews 4:15

Adjusting to the demands of pregnancy and the new baby is hard. Change is always hard. But you’ve already been in a season of change for nine months. How you do going forward is a reflection of how you’ve done recently. If you have been sensitive, hard-working, and responsive to your wife’s needs during the pregnancy up until this point, then you are probably well-trained to adapt to her needs and the needs of the baby in this new stage of their lives. If you’ve ignored or pressured your spouse to be just as productive and engaged as she was before she got pregnant, then watch out! You’re in for even more tension and rougher waters. Start serving her now. Be sensitive to her extra needs, take advantage of moments to refresh and refill yourself, and remember: she is the weaker vessel. You are designed to bear this load. It won’t last forever. Be ok with working extra hard for a season.

The hospital has been the hardest part for me so far. Stacy needed me and me alone for those segments. Me only to comfort her through 28 hours of labor: encouraging, rubbing her back, finding new ways to help her cope with the pain…at least for the hours and hours before her epidural. Thank God for modern medicine. Without that, she would have been exhausted when baby arrived. Then I was her coach when pushing baby for 2 hours…keeping her distracted and then comforting her when she had to accept the fact that a c-section was the best way for baby to arrive. Again, thank God for modern medicine. I am so glad doctors can see that baby was turned backward in the birth canal, and that he was getting distressed by all the pushing. Why would I pursue a more “natural option” at home and miss the life-saving advantages for both mom and baby in the hospital? Sure its more expensive (a little) and they overly poke and prod my little one. I’m ok with that when it means life or death in many cases. Pregnancy is a leading cause of death in many places, modern and ancient. Thank God for modern medicine.

The other hard part about the hospital was the difficulty of getting rest. People came in every hour or so to poke and prod Stacy, to visit, and to teach us new things about parenting. A lot of the advice was helpful, the watchful eye of the doctors and nurses on Stacy and baby (who was jaundiced) was appreciated, but the pace of it all was overwhelming. I walked outside once or twice to catch my breath and avoid killing everyone. Sleep deprivation at this stage can make you crazy. Rest every chance you get before this stage…and leave the hospital for a few hours to regain your sanity. At the very least, find the chapel. Meet with God and enjoy unbroken silence, as I have only been in a few chapels where anyone else was present.

Being home is awesome…if you have a good support system. With a mom joining us to cook meals, do errands, and help with the baby (and comforting Stacy as a new mom) I was able to take my week of vacation and turn it into project time for all the things that Stacy and I have been working to do at the house. While that might sound neglectful—Stacy’s dream is to have a ranch with a garden and chickens—timing is crucial to making her dream come true. So as she adjusts to the schedule of taking care of baby (with help), I am nearby and attentive, but busy in a way that will reflect my return to work soon. She gets a pretty good deal. For my part, I usually take baby early or late—whenever she most needs a big favor, and I make sure that I never complain about helping. I change diapers or bottle feed, I clean her baby items, and I let her parents know how incredibly grateful we are that they are helping! I can’t imagine doing this without help! And one more note: Having a mother-in-law who cooks REALLY well is also awesome. I’m eating better than I have in years!

In the early hours of my son’s first day, I needed some comfort and guidance. I was tired beyond belief by the events of the past two days already, and now I was a dad. I did a quick search for Bible verses on parenting, and God gave me my first lesson as a new parent: this is not my child, it is His. Check out what I stumbled upon below:

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.”

~ Jeremiah 1:5

Listen to me, O coastlands, and give attention, you peoples from afar. The Lord called me from the womb, from the body of my mother he named my name.

~ Isaiah 49:1

These verses reminded me that God gets to work long before me, and that EVERY person has a role to play in God’s epic story in this world. God already has His calling on the life of Eli…I must be a good steward of him and Stacy. They are not mine, they are His, entrusted to me for this time. My job is to raise them as best as I can, and pray that God uses them as an tool to continue passing on His message of salvation to our broken world.

My love for God must drive my love for Stacy and Eli…otherwise I will be quite unloving in the ways that matter most. I cannot respond simply in terms of human love–that’s not what God desires of me. He desires me to love them with His love. To lead them with His wisdom. I will do my best, God. I am looking to you–make me a good Father, just as you are to me.

“The calm before the storm:

It’s hard to watch your wife suffer and not be able intervene. I hate being in this room as the one she depends on for comfort…I feel like I have none that I can give. I feel guilty for eating or relaxing when Stacy can’t do the same. I dislike not being able to be the one who gives, serves, and sacrifices more than her.

Sitting in the hour before the baby comes wondering if Mom and baby are going to come through this healthy…tough. Especially since I know many people who have not had mom or baby come through this in good condition

Knowing the demands that are to be made of me now–I feel so out of place, unnatural. However, these are demands God intends to use to shape me…make me a more willing, more capable leader through being a servant, and more compassionately hearted man, and more prone to respond to the need of the moment.

I am terrified.

I am ready to run.

I am afraid of the failure I know will come.

I already feel like a failure.

God is with me. God has brought me here. God will not abandon me. I hear the words He gave to Joshua and Gideon ringing in my present circumstances.”

Earlier this year I sat with a friend as his wife struggled to recover from emergency surgery–her uterus had ruptured during the delivery if their third child. He went from the excitement that their little girl had arrived to facing the possibility of losing his wife and having to raise three young children as a single dad. With a wife who was 7 months into her pregnancy myself, you can say that I was also quite shaken during those events. I learned that God sends unnatural levels of peace to people in those circumstances. In my friend’s case, He also graciously restored his wife to health again. He gave them a great blessing.

Pregnancy is a dangerous affair…but it baffles me how many people expect it to go smoothly. Read the rest of this entry »